Diabetes and impotence.

1641: Giles is soldiering on, he’s been a little trooper. Mind you, so have I: I’ve written almost 6,000 words so far today. My dissertation wasn’t much longer than that. I made most of that up as I went along as well. If only I’d taken it more seriously, I might not be here having my spirit crushed. Three from Gilo’s over. 313-3

1637: Two from Pietersen’s over. 310-3

1633: Just one from Freddie’s over. Manful stuff Freddie, manful. People sending in poetry at 6.30 in the morning. Crackers, absolutely crackers. 308-3

“They have taken the Hill from the Gabba So the Barmies have nowhere to sing And Geoffrey is ‘tekin no pleasure’ At bowling no pace and no swing.

And nobody’s told poor old Harmi’ He’s supposed to be hitting the sticks Not trying to poleaxe poor Freddie - They’re not targets, you fool, they’re the slips!

And men now abed here in England Be thankful that you cannot see How Ponting is smashing poor Hoggard - Now Pietersen’s twisted his knee.

It’s five to six and it’s raining; The Aussies 280 for three; Now you tell me that Pietersen’s bowling That’s it - I give in - bed for me.”
Phillip Pritchard from Birmingham in the TMS inbox

1629: Pietersen beats Hussey with a wicked turner. He’s looking a bigger threat than Giles at the moment, but then so might my nan, and she’s been toes-up for 10 years. 307-3

1626: Flintoff is back on for his first spell after tea. Ponting goes walkabout in front of his stumps and Flintoff goes up for an optimistic lbw. Ponting then runs four from a leg-stump half-volley. 306-3

1621: Pietersen gets another one to turn away from Hussey. Still another 18 overs to bowl tonight, I’m going to be clobbering Auntie Beeb for some serious overtime. Ponting brings up Australia’s 300. 300-3

1618: Nothing looks like shifting Hussey. He’s like a ruddy limpet and Hoggard has rarely looked so impotent. 296-3

1614: There are a few heads down among the England fielders and they’re hanging on for dear life now. Pietersen gets a couple to bite and spin away from Hussey. Warne will be licking his chops, inbetween smoking fags. 293-3

1610: Ponting pushes Hoggard to mid-wicket, where Anderson fields well diving to his right. Australia will be nudging 400 by stumps. 289-3

“There are only two bowlers who will come off at the end of the day and think, ‘well, I couldn’t have done much more today’, and that’s Andrew Flintoff and Ashley Giles.”
Vic Marks, TMS summariser

1602: Pietersen is into the attack for a bit of gentle off-spin. He, like Bell, has one Test wicket to his name. Harmison is still missing in action somewhere, if that’s not a paradox. Decent enough over, three from it. Players take drinks.286-3

1559: Just one from Hoggard’s over. 283-3

1555: Hussey walks down the wicket and smashes Giles straight over his head for four. Giles gets his hand up and then thinks better of it and pulls it away. God I’m tired now, this is erectile dysfunction causes
stuff for the England faithful.282-3

1552: Ponting takes a quick single to Harmison at mid-off and the Durham man fumbles. Hoggard drops short and Hussey punches him away for three. Pietersen gets coated by the fans next to the boundary rope. Ponting brings up his 32nd Test ton with a whip through mid-wicket for three. It’s his ninth Test century in his last 13 Tests and his sixth versus England. Frightening. 277-3

1546: Hussey loves his scampered singles and gets Ponting back on strike and within one four of his ton. 270-3

1540: Ponting whips Hoggard through mid-wicket to move to 95. 266-3

“It’s just a flat pitch, a worker’s pitch, and you just have to strangle players out and not get downhearted. So if Australia get a score well over 450, it’s not the end of the world.”
Geoffrey Boycott, TMS summariser

1538: Hussey goes for a run and Flintoff, standing at short mid-wicket, shies at the stumps, but Hussey makes his ground. 262-3

1535: Bell is into the attack. Bizarre. His one Test wicket came at Faisalabad last winter. Ponting goes for a wide one and gets a thick outside edge for four before timing Bell through mid-on for another boundary. England need to root out another one here. 260-3

1529: Ponting brings up the fifty partnership off Giles. Good over from the England spinner though. 248-3

1523: England are shuffling their fielders around, perhaps trying to get under Ponting’s skin. Joyce is on for Hoggard at the moment. Anderson drops short and Hussey slams him over mid-wicket for four. 246-3

1522: Just two singles from Gilo’s over. He’s doing an honest, if decidedly erectile dysfunction new drug, job for England. 240-3

1518: Anderson beats Ponting outside the off-stump. That hasn’t happened too often today. Ponting plays a barbaric pull off the front foot for four. 238-3

1514: Giles has a big shout for lbw against Ponting turned down by umpire Bowden. The Barmy Army think the Aussie skipper has gone, as Bowden raises his arm to scratch his cheek at an extremely inopportune moment. Did he change his mind mid-raise? 232-3

1511: Just two from Anderson’s over, a plugging one from the Lancashire man. 231-3

1507: Hussey takes a quick single and Harmison could have run Ponting out with a direct hit. Pietersen is keeping us all guessing, he’s back on again. Bit of a drama queen our Kevin, maybe he just wants a bit of attention.229-3

1504: Players are back out and the good news for England is that Pietersen is with them. Ponting slams his front foot down the pitch and cracks Anderson straight for four. Ponting then rocks back and cuts the Lancashire seamer away for another boundary. Pietersen is off again, looking a little ginger. 226-3

“I’d be very surprised if two Australians didn’t get hundreds. The Kookaburra ball doesn’t do anything, which is why you need a good wrist spinner in your team. We’ve got two young ones at Yorkshire now, one of them will be in the England team in a few years time.” Geoffrey Boycott, TMS summariser

1439: The ‘King of Spain’ sticks one on a very un-regal length and Ponting gives it the hammer to move to 62. The umpires remove the bails and the players scoot off for some sticky buns and stuff, or whatever rubbish this mob eat nowadays. 217-3

1432: Pietersen tweaks his left knee fielding in the covers, and for a moment it looks like he’s done himself some serious mischief. The England physio is on and he shepherds Pietersen off the field. The good news for England fans is that it looks newest impotence medicine, he’s walking gingerly rather than hobbling about. 209-3

1430: Hussey uses his feet to Giles and whips him through mid-wicket for four. England are bouncing about in the field now, sensing that they’re in contention, if not on a par with Australia. 208-3

1423: Flintoff serves Hussey up some chin music. Welcome to Ashes cricket big man. Hussey then leaves one that almost sends his off-stump cartwheeling. Hussey then leans into one and the ball races to the long-on boundary. It’s 200-up for the hosts. 203-3

1418: WICKET Australia 198-3 (Martyn 29)
Gilo breaks through, Martyn making room and top-edging a dolly to Collingwood at slip. Collingwood looks to the manner born behind the stumps and England manage to nudge the door slightly ajar once more just as it looked like it was about to be jammed shut. Hussey survives the rest of the over.

“I keep hearing references to how late it is in the UK, things like ‘I’m sure you’re all stifling yawns’. The thing is, for myself and many other students, this sort of hour is when we’re most in our element. My sleeping patterns last week were ridiculous; usually I got to bed at about 9am and then woke up at 5pm…”
Ned Pendleton of Leamington Spa in the TMS inbox

1414: Flintoff is back on for his third spell, obviously mindful he’s the only one who’s looked like getting a wicket. Ponting picks up a couple to mid-wicket, but it’s another over of intent from Flintoff. It’s going to be a long, hot winter for the England skipper…198-2

1411: Ponting looks like he’s deliberately holding himself back against Giles, content just to nudge and nurdle - for now. 194-2

1409: Martyn paddles a short one from Harmison through the covers for two and follows up with a peachy drive for three to bring up the fifty partnership. 192-2

1406: Maiden over from Gilo - Ponting surprisingly watchful at the moment. 187-2

1404: Another maiden from Harmison, but he’s hardly giving the Australian batsman any problems. 187-2

“Gilo’s lost an awful lot of weight, I think he’s on the Cambridge diet, the one that Botham sometimes goes on. He is a different shape. Blowers would struggle to call him a wheelie bin at the moment.”
Jonathan Agnew, TMS commentator

1358: Time for the King of Spain to strut his stuff. Martyn takes an early liking, sauntering down the wicket and lofting him over mid-on for four. Dreamy late cut by Martyn and Strauss just stops the four at third man. 187-2

1357: Harmison digs in a bouncer and it balloons well over Ponting’s head for a wide. Ponting brings up his 50 from just 65 balls with a push to mid-wicket. Better from Harmison, but you won’t see a more effortless half-century in your life as that from the Aussie skipper. 180-2

1351: Bit airy-fairy that by Martyn, driving away from his body straight to Pietersen at point. He gets three with a similar shot next ball. 177-2

1345: Ponting tucks Harmison, slipping down the leg-side, away for one. Harmison looks to have found some rhythm at long last, like a train which was bouncing along the tracks suddenly slipping into a groove. 171-2

“It’s slightly dispiriting that a Harmison maiden over should elicit such euphoria among his team-mates…”
Vic Marks, TMS summariser

1342: One from Hoggy’s over and the big, weird drink car crashes over the boundary and the players take on energy. 169-2

“Ponting is seeing the ball like a big Queensland mango at the moment. Although there are good signs from England, they’re showing a bit of resolve.”
Tim Lane, TMS commentator

1334: Harmison bowls possibly his first decent delivery of the day, getting Martyn to fence outside outside off-stump. MAIDEN OVER FROM HARMISON, ATTENTION, MAIDEN OVER FROM HARMISON. 168-2

1329: Hoggard, still striving for some swing, is wheeled back into the attack. Can he be the man to put his hand up for England? Martyn tucks Hoggard away for three, Harmison sticking out a big clown’s boot on the fine-leg boundary. Ponting then rocks back to a long-hop and pulls the ball to the boundary. The Aussie skipper’s in some nick. 168-2

1328: Harmison is back into the attack. This is pretty much crunch time for him. His second ball, short outside off-stump, is given the full welly by Martyn. The rest of the over is better though, just one from it. 160-2

1322: The Barmy Army go up for a crowd catch, Ponting cracking the ball into the ground and Pietersen pulling the ball in at backward point. Ponting then flicks the ball away and a Hoggard mis-field allows the boundary. Thought he’d done himself a mishief there, a la Simon Jones. Martyn gets off the mark with a square-cut for three to bring up Australia’s 150. Anderson then plops one short and Ponting drags him to the mid-wicket boundary. Pressure released for the hosts. 155-2

1317: Harmison is off the field, replaced by Plunkett. Not sure what, if anything, the problem is. Flintoff is not letting Martyn get off the mark easily - another maiden. 143-2

“The sooner they crack the secret of human cloning and we can have 11 Freddies the better…”
Rob Dipper from Manchester in the TMS inbox

1310: Anderson slices Ponting in half with one that jags back, but it misses everything. Just two from the over - Anderson’s doing his bit. 143-2

1308: Martyn still not off the mark, Flintoff building a bit of pressure up. Geoffrey Boycott reckons he’s vulnerable to a bit of short stuff. Where’s Harmison…? 141-2

“Very elegant player Martyn, he scores runs without you even noticing. He’s had a public fall-out with Dennis Lillee by the way, he says he’s lost all respect for him…”
Jonathan Agnew, TMS commentator

1303: A maiden from Anderson, keeping Ponting honest for an over at least. 141-2

1259: WICKET Australia 141-2 (Langer 82)
Flintoff’s done it again, Langer driving straight to Pietersen at cover-point. Pietersen’s first Ashes catch after six spillages in 2005. That’s a gimme for England and the tourists are clinging on. Martyn is next batsman, and he defends the first ball comfortably.

1256: Flintoff has Langer nibbling at one and Ponting is almost caught in the gully, but the ball evades a sprawling Giles. Freddie gives Ponting a few verbals.

1255: Umpire Bowden has another look at the ball before tossing it back to Anderson. Not sure what’s wrong with it - we’re not in for another dose of Hair-Gate? Security have confiscated a giant, green and gold beach ball - not the most dangerous of weapons. I had a knife pulled on me at Headingley once - no one bothered confiscating that off the bloke at the gate. Langer plays a glorious cover-drive off Anderson for four before Ponting times the ball through mid-wicket for another boundary. 135-1

1246: Ponting plays a false stroke off Flintoff, getting a thickish outside edge which is well stopped by Gilo in the gully. Stroke of the day from Ponting, driving Flintoff to the long-on boundary. The Aussie skipper looks in ominous form, he’s already seeing it like a beach ball. 124-1

1240: Players are back out after lunch and Anderson will have first go with the ball. Langer gets his first boundary after the restart, carving Anderson to the backward point boundary and follows up with a cover-drive for four. Round the wicket chaps? It worked back in Blighty. 118-1

“I thought Harmison should have bowled in Adelaide, it seemed strange to me. He should have bowled, and if he broke down, so be it, because he’s not worth his place in the side…”
Jonathan Agnew, TMS commentator

“Against South Australia, I heard Darren Lehmann got one from Panesar first up and thought ‘geez, this is going to be interesting’. But Panesar then proceeded to bowl rather flat, so he didn’t take his chance.”
Former Australian fast bowler Damien Fleming on TMS

Send your emails to TMS@bbc.co.uk

“I take the point of Hoggard having to bat at number 8 if Panesar plays, BUT if the top seven batsmen in the team can’t perform then I believe one more batsman won’t make much difference.”
James Hall in the TMS inbox

1202: Gilo is on to bowl his first Test over since last November. Can he get some success just before lunch? Ponting defends the first three balls and sweeps the fourth for a single. Just one from the over and it’s round one to Australia. I’m off for a spot of tea, but don’t go away…109-1

1157: Hoggard back on from the Vulture Street end. Langer runs his first ball away for four through gully to bring up Australia’s 100. The next ball is tickled down to fine-leg for another boundary. Hoggard clutches his head after the next ball, which he expected to nip back and clean Langer up. Ten from the over, England need another one and fast. 108-1

1152: Langer attempts an expansive drive off Flintoff - unconvincing. The England skipper has been by far the best bowler so far, but he’ll have to give himself a breather soon. One from the over. 98-1

“Thanks to your wonderful coverage, I am providing updates for my friends at Eastbourne Uni. Your coverage is also stopping me going mad from writing an article about the history of Fiorentina Football Club…”
Oliver Jones in the TMS inbox

1147: Langer plays a dreadful attempted drive off Harmison, whips his helmet off and gives himself a ticking off. Ponting gets off the mark with a majestic pull for four which almost decapitates umpire Bucknor and follows up with a dreamy back-foot drive to the extra-cover boundary. 97-1

1143: Langer gets a brute from Flintoff, who gets one to spit off a length. The England skipper’s got his dander up, and, my God, England need him to. Langer’s developed a funny old leave, twirling his wrists as the ball passes by. 86-1

1138: Langer latches on to a shortish one from Harmison and runs three. Ponting on strike. Better from Harmison, who’s nudging 90mph on the speedo, and then breaks through the magic mark. 82-1

1130: WICKET Australia 79-1 (Hayden 21)
Flintoff makes the breakthrough, Hayden edging him to Collingwood at second slip. Flintoff goes ruddy beserk - at least he’s up for it. Skipper Ponting strides to the middle. He looks more and more like George W Bush this boy. Ponting survives the over.

1129: Fifty for Langer, only his second in Tests since last year’s Ashes. He’s delighted with that.

1128: Smoking and impotence from Harmison and Langer piles into it for a few. Langer almost plays on attempting a cut and thinks he’s got his 50 next ball, but it’s a leg-bye. 78-0

1124: Come on Freddie, time for a bit of the old Superman act. Not much singing at the Gabba, certainly not from the Barmy Army, just contented chatter. The Aussie openers look well and truly dug in. Two from the over. 73-0

Email us at TMS@bbc.co.uk - Aggers and Vic Marks will be answering your posers during the lunch break

1118: Harmison is back on, to applause from both Aussie and England fans. Flintoff has removed himself - he’ll probably have a dart from the other end. Hayden drags Harmison’s first ball away for a couple. Harmison’s second ball is two feet outside off-stump and the Durham man is drawing some boos now. Whether from the Aussie or England fans, it’s unclear. 71-0

1113: Langer laces a full-length Anderson delivery through the covers for four and the Queensland crowd purr in admiration. Anderson tries out a bouncer and umpire Bucknor signals wide. Harmison’s stretching up, looks like he’ll take next over. 68-0

“What the hell is Harmison doing out there? He hasn’t bowled well for two years, I think we all have to realize he’s finished. Stuart Broad should be taken out of the Academy right now.”
Rob Chard in the TMS inbox

1107: Flintoff slings one down the leg-side, Jones gets a glove to it, but it’s three leg-byes. Langer picks up three runs to gully. 63-0

“What’s happening with the England backroom staff? Why is Harmison still bowling rubbish?”
Geoffrey Boycott, TMS summariser

1103: Langer plays an unconvincing cut shot which dribbles to gully before almost nibbling on an Anderson delivery. A maiden and players rush for drinks. It has, without any shadow of a doubt, been Australia’s opening hour. 57-0

1058: It’s Freddie time, probably earlier than he would have wanted. His first ball is tucked away by Hayden and Anderson misses with a wild shie at the stumps as the Aussie batsmen scamper a single. Flintoff immediately settles in round the wicket to the dealing with impotence and Cook is installed at short leg. Flintoff bounces Langer and the ball is hooked away for a single. Probing stuff from Flintoff. 57-0

1048: Anderson drops short and Langer brings up Australia’s 50 with a murderous cut. Anderson tests Langer with a bumper which the batsman bounces clear of. Langer, of course, has not played in Tests since being hit on the head by South Africa’s Makhaya Ntini in April. 51-0

1045: Hayden plays another sketchy drive and the ball flies over gully for another boundary. England aren’t having much luck here in all fairness. Langer throws the kitchen sink at the last ball of the over, but the ball is pulled up just short of the boundary. Langer gets three. 47-0

1040: It’s all calmed down a bit at the Gabba thanks to some on-the-money stuff from Hoggard and Anderson. Anderson in particular is getting some decent lift. Australia’s early onslaught seems to have been premeditated, and it worked, in that they’ve carted Harmison out of the attack. 40-0

1037: Hoggard gets one to spit off the wicket like fat from a frying pan, but Langer just pulls his bat out of the way. A maiden from Hoggard, dependable as ever. 40-0

1033: Anderson bowls a pretty good over apart from the last ball, which Langer drags away for a few. 40-0

1029: Flintoff has lobbed the ball to umpire Bowden - he clearly thinks there’s something wrong with it. But umpire Bucknor has a look and tells England to get on with it.

1026: A little bit depressing this. Hoggard slings one down the leg-side and Hayden drags him round the corner for three. Hayden throws his bat at a wide one and the ball just eludes a diving Bell at gully. 37-0

“England look tentative and on edge and you’re already starting to think, when’s Freddie going to bring himself on?”
Vic Marks, TMS summariser

1019: Flintoff has pulled Harmison after just two overs. Round one Aussies? Anderson of Lancashire is into the attack and his first ball, pretty much a long-hop, is yanked for four by Langer. Langer plays another pull off Anderson, but only gets three for it. Pugnacious as ever, he’s throwing his bat at everything. Anderson strays on to Hayden’s pads (a bad place to stray) and the big man flicks him away for three. A chastening start for England.

“At 19 years old, it is a strange thought that, with my bottle of Holden’s Golden Glow, TMS on the wireless and the newspaper in front of me, I have become my father. So much for student life!”
Tom Slater in the TMS inbox

1018: Hayden sticks a big size 12 down the pitch and creams Hoggard through mid-off for four. A decent enough over from Hoggard, but there’s no swing, and that’s a bad sign. 21-0

1011: Langer slices a drive and the ball beats Giles at gully and runs away for four. Sketchy. Langer is hit on the pad, but there’s only a strangled lbw appeal from Harmison. Langer then carves Harmison away for another four. 17-0

1007: Yorkshire’s Hoggard gets next go with the ball. Will it swing for him? It has to. His first ball is left by Hayden outside off-stump. Hayden plays a fine off-drive and Pietersen makes a good diving stop. Hoggard then has Hayden playing an ugly drive and almost gets a caught-behind. Interesting. A maiden. 9-0

1002: Harmison bowls the first ball of this Ashes series - and it’s an absolute shocker, taken by Flintoff at second slip. Good grief…The second is little better, a couple of feet down Langer’s leg-side. The third raps Langer on the pad, and the next has Langer playing defensively. Harmison almost yorks Langer next up, but the nuggety Aussie opener, falling forward, whips it away for four. Langer then gets an outside edge that runs away for four. A ropey old first over from Harmison. 9-0

1000: Hayden and Langer take to the field to rapturous applause. You might say the Aussie fans are up for this - it’s more like a Premiership football match.

0958: England have won just four of 17 Tests at the Gabba - the last on the 86/87 tour. England take to the field and fall into a familiar huddle. The old butterflies are fluttering now…

“Aggers, have you ever taken your laptop to bed instead of your Emma?”
Geoffrey Boycott, TMS summariser

“Jones is under a lot of pressure. He can’t afford to drop Hayden or Ponting on nought - it’ll all go downhill from there…”
Phil Tufnell, Radio Five Live

0951: God Save the Queen is sung by a delightful, raven-haired Aussie and gets maximum respect from the Gabba crowd. A phalanx of female singers is wheeled out for the Aussie anthem. There’s something very military about all this.

0946: Time for the national anthems. Geez, these Queenslanders are a patriotic lot. Former wicket-keeper Ian Healy, a Queenslander, and English legend Ian Botham, carry the flags to the middle.

0945: Who’s going to open the bowling for England? Anderson could get a bit of swing early on, and maybe he’ll take the new ball with Harmison.

0943: I hear Harmison’s parents, girlfriend and a few buddies are out in Brisbane with him, so he should be in good fooling anyway.

0940: The last time Australia batted first at the Gabba four years ago, it was the preface to one of the most depressing five or six hours of my life. Simon Jones busted a knee and Australia had pretty much won the game by stumps. Come on Harmy, stick it up ‘em son.

“The first hour it might nip around so we’re not too dejected. The first 10 overs we’ve got to get it in the right area. We don’t take gambles at this stage. Ashley’s prepared well and bowled a lot of overs in the nets.”
England skipper Andrew Flintoff

0932: Australia skipper Ricky Ponting chooses tails at the toss, wins it and chooses to have a bat. We’ll learn sooner rather than later whether Duncan Fletcher has made a blunder in including Gilo over Panesar.

0927: Stuart Clark is given the nod over Mitchell Johnson in Australia’s starting Xl. Less pace than Johnson, but Clark took a stack of wickets in South Africa - 20 in three Tests at 15.85.

0918: It’s bubbling up nicely at the Gabba, the Barmy Army getting in some early sparring with the locals. Not many of you agree with Giles’ inclusion. I’m getting excited now - got myself strapped in for the next nine hours.

“Do you really want Hoggard coming out at number eight with England on 260-6? Giles is not Don Bradman, but he is more than capable of hanging around in that situation, as he did on a couple of notable occasions last year.”
Jonathan Agnew, TMS commentator

“By chance, I was walking through the maze of rival packs of fans when the England team bus reversed into its garage in the bowels of the Gabba.

Alastair Cook was white with nerves, and there weren’t any smiles or waves. Freddie was the only relaxed member of the team, standing at the front chatting away. In the ground, I can see about 10 St George Cross flags already. As is tradition, the names of local towns are inscribed in black ink.

Freddie’s Preston mob are here in force, there’s some Durham support and more from Weymouth on the south coast.”
Oliver Brett, BBC Sport in Brisbane

0912: No word yet on the Australia team, but we’re not expecting any surprises. It’s quite possible they can’t speak yet as they’re all doubled up laughing on hearing of Giles’ inclusion.

“Panesar left out! Fletcher needs to resign. We must pick the best specialist players!”
Pete Herridge, Bristol, in the TMS inbox

0905: Bell is to bat at three for England, with Pietersen coming in at four. Collingwood tucks in at five, just ahead of skipper Flintoff.

0902: Has England coach Duncan Fletcher blinked before a ball has even been bowled? As predicted, Giles, who hasn’t played a Test for over a year, has been included instead of Panesar. Giles has bowled only 31 competitive overs on this tour. Ideal preparation for an Ashes battle?

0900: England name their starting XI for the first Test in Brisbane - and Ashley Giles has got the nod over Monty Panesar:

England Xl: Strauss, Cook, Bell, Pietersen, Collingwood, Flintoff (capt), Jones, Giles, Harmison, Anderson, Hoggard

Considered “conduits of God” by some, they claim to be able help return a loved one, cure impotency and impotence information, help advance your career and even make you wealthy.

One such impotence solutions
says he can cast away “evil influences and bad luck”, another will break voodoo and black magic curses and several others offer exorcisms.

Concern has been growing about the impact on children of such ritual practices.

The issue hit the headlines with the grim discovery of a torso of a young boy in the Thames in September 2001.

Police believe the child, later named Adam, had been the victim of a west African-style ritual sacrifice.

How widespread is the problem? Academics estimate only 5% of crimes involving possession or witchcraft are actually reported.

Africans Unite Against Child Abuse (Afruca), a UK charity, is calling for tighter regulation of minority churches and faith organisations.

“Anybody can just come over and open a church and they don’t have to show they’re complying with child protection guidelines,” said Afruca spokesman Million Joseph.

“We are concerned with some pastors who are not accountable to anybody and who have the means to manipulate their followers into believing their child is possessed.”

These pastors are seen as conduits of God and they have enormous authority and control over church members Amma Anane-Agyel Tower Hamlets

Kingston Racial Equality Council (KREC), a voluntary organisation in south-west London, is erectile dysfunction surgery
research on the potential for child abuse in African evangelical churches.

“With issues such as demonic possession, you have to consider the impact of exorcism on a child both physically and mentally,” said John Azah, KREC director.

“If you take a child to a church and force him or her to drink what is claimed to be holy water and physically beat the devil out of them - that’s child abuse.”

Mr Azah went undercover to approach an African pastor in the East End a few years ago, claiming his niece was possessed.

“His church was basically his living room,” he said. “He claimed he could cure both of us with a potion which would cost 700.”

The project, covering Kingston and Croydon, aims to identify these churches and work with them and social services to protect children.

“The aim of this project, which we hope will eventually be rolled out across London, is to find out how widespread ritual child abuse is and put systems in place to address it,” he said.

‘Conduits of God’

A BBC Newsnight investigation in February 2005 suggested only a third of London’s local authorities were taking the issue seriously.

Since then, Tower Hamlets in east London has identified 60 churches in the borough where exorcisms might take place.

Adam is believed to have been brought to the UK for a ritual killing

“These pastors are seen as conduits of God and they have enormous authority and control over church members,” said Amma Anane-Agyel, of the council’s social services department.

“Our concern is that practices like exorcism may be harmful to the child, not just physically but emotionally as well, and affect their whole wellbeing,” she said.

Ms Anane-Agyel manages the council’s African family services which has set up a pastors’ group bringing together church leaders and council representatives to discuss ritual practices.

We do not police the inside of people’s homes and are increasingly reliant on vigilance within the community Det Ch Supt Peter Spindler

“Rather than impotence treatment viagra people’s beliefs, we focus on the harm acts like exorcisms will have on the child.

“This approach is usually much more effective in persuading people not to resort to such practices.”

However, the African Caribbean Evangelical Alliance, a non-regulatory body with 3,000 members, said exorcism was not inherently bad.

“If it’s done biblically and children and adults are not harmed, then exorcisms are fine,” said spokesman Katie Kirby.

In the past five years, 32 cases of crimes involving possession or witchcraft were in London out of 40 nationally, according to the Department for Education and Skills.

Det Ch Supt Peter Spindler, head of the Metropolitan Police’s child abuse investigation unit, said academics estimate only 5% of the actual abuse taking place is reported.

Speaking at a child abuse conference in London in July, he said: “We do not police the inside of people’s homes and are increasingly reliant on vigilance within the community.”

He has put one finger under his nose like a fascist moustache, and has one leg raised in the air as if he is about to goose-step down the street.

This is not some kind of illegal neo-Nazi cause impotence smoking - it’s the red carpet at a film premiere.

In the cinema behind, they are about to show Germany’s first ever mainstream comedy about Adolf Hitler.

The film, Mein Fuehrer - the Truly Truest Truth about Adolf Hitler, shows a dramatically different image of the Nazi leader from the one Germans are used to seeing at their cinemas.

‘Bumbling buffoon’

In one scene, Hitler, played by a top German comedian, is splashing about in the bath with his toy battleship.

I felt I needed a new approach… to have a better understanding of what made German people follow Hitler Director Dani Levy

When he is told there is a plot to kill him, he sinks under the suds.

This Hitler is a manic depressive, who is sexually impotent and wets his bed. He is reduced to a bumbling buffoon.

The film is written and directed by Swiss-born Jewish director Dani Levy.

“Making comedies about hateful people is weird! Usually you’re making comedies about people you really love,” he told the BBC.

“As a Jewish person who’s been living in Berlin more than 25 years, I felt I needed a new approach, and create a comedy to impotence treatment the Nazi figures, to have a better understanding of what made German people follow Adolf Hitler.”

Collective guilt

More than 60 years after his death, Adolf Hitler’s murderous rule still feeds a sense of collective guilt, and collective responsibility in Germany.

The film launched in Berlin on Wednesday

But Germans are learning to laugh out loud about some aspects of the Nazi regime.

Last year Rudolph Herzog published a collection of Hitler jokes.

“In the 1960s, the younger generation - the sons and daughters of the perpetrators - were asking hard questions,” Rudolph says, “and making jokes about the subject would have been totally inappropriate in their eyes.

“Now there’s a new generation and I guess we have a more distant view. Without neglecting the horrors of what happened we can also see the man impotence of the top brass in this regime”.

Hitler is surrounded by horrifying creatures, like Goebbels and Goering, everyone is using him like a puppet - this is something I find quite dangerous Knut Elstermann Film critic

Back in the film, the crazy Fuehrer is in a flap.

Too depressed to give his big speech to the people, he demands that a former acting coach, who is Jewish, be brought in to help boost his confidence.

In this picture, Adolf Hitler comes across as a sick, weak individual, used by those around him.

Film critic Knut Elstermann believes that is a big mistake.

“As a viewer of that movie, I see Hitler as a child,” Knut told me.

“He had a horrible childhood, so he is traumatised and I feel some pity for him. He is surrounded by horrifying creatures, like Goebbels and Goering, everyone is using him like a puppet.

“This is something I find quite dangerous, because Hitler is responsible for everything that happened in Germany, and especially the Holocaust.”

As Mein Fuehrer hits cinema screens across Germany, what is interesting is that the debate here is no longer about whether it is right or wrong to laugh about Hitler.

Even local Jewish groups have said they have nothing against making fun of the Nazis.

The question is what kind of jokes and what kind of humour are appropriate, and - ultimately - whether the film is good or bad. And that’s a sign that Germany is slowly moving on, out of the shadows of its Nazi past.

Scotland: (10) 17
Tries: Dewey, Paterson
Cons: Paterson 2
Pens: Paterson

Italy: (24) 37
Tries: Bergamasco, Scanavacca, Robertson, Troncon
Cons: Scanavacca 4
Pens: Scanavacca 3

Scotland handed Italy their first away win in the Six Nations with a suicidal first six minutes at Murrayfield.

They gifted tries to Mauro Bergamasco, Andrea Scanavacca and Kaine Robertson to trail 21-0.

Tries from Rob Dewey and captain Chris Paterson helped the hosts cut the gap to 24-17 after an hour.

But two penalties from Scanavacca, who kicked 17 points, and a late try from scrum-half Alessandro Troncon made the game safe for Italy.

Scotland started to diabetes and erectile dysfunction
after just 18 seconds.

606 DEBATE: Give your thoughts on Scotland’s reason for impotence

Fly-half Phil Godman tried a hugely ambitious chip over the impotence natural herbs
Italian defence inside his own 22.

Mauro Bergamasco, back on the Italian flank after injury, charged it down and gathered the bouncing ball to score.

A bad situation soon got a whole lot worse for the Scots as Chris Cusiter twice handed gift-wrapped tries to the Italians.

First his pop pass to Dewey was caffeine and erectile dysfunction
by Scanavacca, who scampered over under the posts.

And the scrum-half then compounded his error by floating out a hugely ambitious pass to Hugo Southwell which Robertson pounced on before streaking over for the third try.

SIX NATIONS BLOG BBC Sport’s player ratings - do you agree? SIX NATIONS BLOG

Scanavacca was on target with all three conversions and the Azzurri led 21-0 with 74 minutes still to play.

Scotland managed to cut the gap after 13 minutes when Dewey scored a controversial try.

The inside centre, all 17st 4lb of him, made the most of a block from referee Donal Courtenay and burst through the Italian midfield defence to score, after some hesitation, with Paterson converting.

Despite losing Simon Taylor to the sin-bin Scotland had much the better of territory and possession, but some powerful Italian defence and impotent attacking combined to keep them at bay.

Paterson spurned the chance to kick several penalties before finally slotting one on the stroke of half-time to make it 24-10 at the break, Scanavacca having landed an earlier effort for the visitors.

Scotland redoubled their efforts after the break but looked lightweight until they switched an attack to the blind side on the hour mark.

Scotland v Italy match data

Paterson flew through a yawning gap before out-pacing the cover for a fine try and his conversion trimmed the gap to seven points with a quarter of the match to go.

It looked as though Scotland might save themselves, but the score prompted the visitors to go on the offensive.

The powerful Italian pack earned the chance for Scanavacca to slot two simple penalties.

And he was on target again with the conversion after the veteran Troncon burrowed his way over late on as Italy claimed only their fourth win since joining the Six Nations in 2000.

Scotland: Southwell; Lamont, Di Rollo, Dewey, Paterson; Godman, Cusiter; Callam, Brown, Taylor, S Murray, Hines, E Murray, Hall, Kerr.
Organic impotence: Ford, Jacobsen, Hamilton, Hogg, Lawson, Henderson, Walker.

Italy: De Marigny; Robertson, Canale, Mirco Bergamasco, Masi; Scanavacca, Troncon; Parisse, Mauro Bergamasco, Zanni, Bortolami, Dellape, Castrogiovanni, Festuccia, Lo Cicero.
Replacements: Ongaro, Perugini, Nieto, Bernabo, Zaffiri, Griffen, Pez.

Referee: Donal Courtney (Leinster)

28th over: Aus 132-3
Clarke to 48 with a single from Hall; Symonds smashes four on the drive through cover. 18 runs needed from 22 overs. Chances of a repeat of the finish to the 1999 semi between these boys: the same as the chances of Duncan Fletcher winning next year’s London Marathon.

27th over: Aus 127-3
Nel back on, and even Angry is struggling to keep his pecker perky - a short, slow one is pulled through midwicket by the unbothered Symonds, who then takes a single before Clarke slice-drives him away for four.

From James in Melbourne, TMS inbox: “On the subject of Aussie males ‘playing asian formula herbal impotence for large bundles of cash’, the game they’re playing is called ‘Two-up’. It’s a traditional game that is played on ANZAC day.”

Good shout James, and no disrespect intended.

26th over: Aus 117-3
Single to Symonds, sweet four to Clarke off his legs again. Loves it there, he does.

25th over: WICKET - Hayden c Smith b Pollock 41, Aus 110-3

Wake up at the back there - Hulk has fallen, swiping in ugly fashion high to Smith at long-on.

24th over: Aus 109-2
Clarke clips Kemp off his toes for two and then wanders a single to move to 35.

From Rory Goethel, TMS inbox: “An idea to make cricket more even: 50/20s. Opposition get 50 overs and Australia get 20 to chase them down.”

23rd over: Aus 106-2
Pollock back on in a last desperate attempt to shake up the milkshake. Hayden and Clarke continue on their unhurried way, strolling singles at will. In the crowd, a large group of Aussies are gathering round in a circle, playing heads-or-tails for large bundles of cash. Great to see the stereotype of Aussie males ripped apart so conclusively.

22nd over: Aus 101-2
Justin Kemp gets a go, and Clarke tickles a single.

From Dan in Halifax, TMS inbox: “What’s happened to your best mate Terry Rhodes? Did he only comment on England matches, or have you taken out a restraining order against him following his unsavoury accusations the other day?”

Dan - I’ve got a feeling that Terry is only interested in England matches. Sent me a nice email the other day saying he’d be back with further chat during the Test series against the Windies next month. Happy days.

21st over: Aus 100-2
Hall again, a blue flannel flapping from his waistband. Hayden squeezes an attempted yorker wide of square leg for a fortuitous two. Large-scale utterly-confident celebrating from the Aussies in the stands, and who can blame them?

20th over: Aus 97-2
Wonderful timing from Clarke - he’s forced me to write an entire sentence without a trace of irony or sarcasm. Apologies to all those who were deliberately avoiding all Champions League updates so they could watch it later - mum’s the word from now on. 19th over: Aus 91-2
Hall sweats his way in. Clarke drives him comfortably for two past extra cover and then drives square for another casual four. They’re doing this in total comfort at the mo.

18th over: Aus 85-2
Charl continues, and after a single apiece a yawning Hayden casually clouts him high over mid-on for four. No sniff of a wicket for yonkers. In the other semi, Joe Cole puts Chelsea 1-0 up.

17th over: Aus 79-2
Andrew Hall on, hunting the heroics that dismantled England. Clarke eyes him up, pushes a two square and then clips with the sweetest of timing between midwicket and mid-on for a lovely four. They’re halfway there, and it’s looking like a breeze.

16th over: Aus 71-2
Charl back on, and he’s tight enough without offering any real threat. Australia are coasting. Meanwhile, Angry’s off the ground having his injured thumb looked at. Or hit repeatedly with a hammer, to keep himself pumped.

15th over: Aus 69-2
If this game is over in the eyes of many, no-one’s Angry. Super over, all snarls, stares and steeplers. Clarke blinks politely.

14th over: Aus 69-2
Shocker for Kallis as a loose one down leg clips Hayden’s tattered pads and skips away for four leg byes. Four more singles and a no-ball add to his pain. If you’re interested in the Champions League semi, I’ll keep you posted - it’s 0-0 at the mo, with ten minutes gone. Chelsea on top.

13th over: Aus 59-2
Nel starts wide against Clarke and gets progressively wider and wider until Clarke almost needs a bat extension to reach the ball. Rather than leave them for Umpo Buck to call as wides, he keeps reaching until he toes a single.

12th over: Aus 57-2
Hulk pushes Kallis into the covers and saunters off for a single, leaving Clarke haring for the other end. De Villiers scampers in, flings on the dive and misses by the width of a standard oven chip. Clarke was a goner if that had hit. In the stands, a member of the Fanatics uses his hand-held camera to surreptitiously film a young lady nearby.

11th over: Aus 54-2
Nel snorts in like a runaway train, and Clarke waits calmly for a wide one before creaming it through cover. Angry grimaces before trudging off to third man, muttering under his breath like Captain Caveman.

10th over: Aus 50-2
In comes Clarke, but Hulk takes charge - boffing Kallis straight again for another protein four. NB when I wrote “Langers drops shorts to Ponting” in the fourth over, I did of course mean “short”. Unfortunately.

9th over: WICKET - Ponting b Nel 22, Aus 44-2

Angry strikes! Ponts plays all round a middle-stump full one and has his timbers scattered - and Nel goes doolally. He pumps the air like a man trying to punch his way through a brick wall, sweat pouring off his grimacing face, mouth open shouting. His team-mates grab him before he combusts.

8th over: Aus 40-1
Hulk plays and misses against a skiddier one from Kallis. He has a stern word with his muscles and they respond by thrashing the next one straight down the ground for a rocketing four. They’re going along at five an over, and the required rate is 2.5 an over. Hmmm.

7th over: Aus 34-1
Just what the neutrals wanted to see - Andre Nel is pawing the ground at the far end. He tears in at Hayden and - to the surprise of no-one - bounces him, and then follows through to get a close look at a spot on the end of Hayden’s nose. Hulk tucks a single fine before Ponto leans into a full one and drives beautifully through cover for four.

From Steve Smith in Los Angeles, TMS inbox: “My Australian neighbour is currently in St Lucia watching the match. I have put our house up for sale this morning and hope to have moved out before he returns. I shall miss the BBQs and ice-cold Fosters at his place, but the humiliation is just not worth it.”

6th over: Aus 27-1
Jacques it is, and he opens with a maiden as Ponting kicks back. Slight delay in proceedings as a man with a wobbling girth stumbles out of a hospitality suite right behind the bowler’s arm and leans casually on a railing right in Ponto’s eye-line. 10,000 people shout derision in his direction until he finally twigs and ambles off.

5th over: Aus 27-1
Hulk flexes his mighty arms and cracks Pollock wide of midwicket for two beefcake fours. Might be a change of bowling coming up - Charl looks like he’s been told to take a blow by Smith, and Shark Carlis is loosening up.

4th over: Aus 19-1
Woosh - Langers drops short to Ponting, who pulls to Prince at midwicket - but the leftie spills a super-sharp one diving to his right. Ponto chomps chomps chomps on his gum and then leans back to pull another behind square for four, and then polishes off with a sumptuous straight drive for four more. Charl’s struggling, and Graeme Smith strokes his chin at mid-on. His own chin, not Charl’s.

From Steve in Cambridge, TMS inbox: “You guys always say, ‘have we got a game on here?’ when early wickets fall - then the losing side falls apart. Stop jinxing it! Wed like a game on here.”

3rd over: Aus 6-1
Skipper Ponto joins Hayden, and Pollock’s dander is very much up - he pins Hulk down with a searing line on middle-and-off, and it’s a maiden. Hulk still to get off the mark, and he’s now faced eight balls.

From Eugene in Toronto, TMS inbox: “Did you know Kallis does shampoo commercials in South Africa?”

2nd over: WICKET - Gilchrist b Langeveldt 1, Aus 1-1

Bellows of joy from the South African fielders - Charl produces an absolute beauty to destroy Gillie’s stumps, starting on off stump before swinging back in crazily to thrash the timbers. Have we got a game on here?

1st over: Aus 1-0
Here we go - Pollock to open against Gilchrist, and it’s a steady start - no huge threat, but tightish. Gillie tucks a single off his pad to leave Hulk on strike, but he contents himself with a shoulder-warming slap to cover.

From Tracey, TMS inbox: “Should we run a sweep on how many overs it will take Australia to clean up? I’m betting on 16.”

SOUTH AFRICA INNINGS

44th over: WICKET - Langeveldt b Watson 6, SA 149 all out

Wallop - Watson cleans up Charl with a fast full straight one, and that’s your lot - South Africa dismissed for their lowest ever score in the World Cup. Quelle une shockeur. Kemp, dropped three balls earlier in comedy fashion by Tait, finishes high and dry on 49 not out.

43rd over: SA 144-9
Charl drops Tait to leg and hares down the track for a relieved single. Kemp takes another straight away, much to Charl’s horror, and the round-faced paceman is forced to jab down on the rest of the over.

From Ben Alexander, TMS inbox: “Who’s got the scariest eyes in cricket - Angry Andre, ‘Gunslinger’ Steve Waugh or Murali whenever he bowls?”

42nd over: SA 142-9
With SS South Africa about to slip beneath the waves, Kemp gets his trumpet out at last and starts to parp. He belts Watson back over his head for four, drives again for one and then smashes through cover for another four after Charl L slices a single. Langeveldt has scored a majestic 17 runs in his 46 one-day clinics that treat erectile dysfunction
so far, which helps explain Kemp’s sudden hurry.

41st over: WICKET - Nel c Clarke b Tait 9, SA 129-9

Alas, Angry bites the dust, cutting hopefully at Tait but sending it looping to Clarke running back from point. That’s four wickets for Tait, and Nel trudges off with the helium hissing out of his balloon.

40th over: SA 129-8
Singles ahoy as Kemp decides to get busy-ish. Andre’s almost run out off one, escaping only as Watson’s throw whistles past Ponting’s nose at the non-striker’s stumps. Ponting’s not happy - he glares at Watson and describes the throw in terms that rhyme with ‘grit’.

39th over: SA 129-8
After you, Andre” says Kemp again, once again taking a single off the first ball of the over. Andre waits with his bat raised pre-delivery, like a taller, angrier Graham Gooch, and tries to smash Tait into next year. The ball sludges off the toe of the bat and rolls slowly to mid-on.

38th over: SA 123-8
Shane Watson returns, and Kemp is so desperate to see Andre take him on that he squeezes in the diciest of singles as soon as he can. Ponto chirps from gully and Watson produces a vicious bouncer which almost tickles the Nel nose. “Bring in on boys, yar?” Angry yells happily. “Bring it on!”

37th over: SA 122-8
Tait comes thundering in, and he slings down two wides. It’s just been pointed out to me that Angry’s blade is sponsored by Wasp. Never had Blackie Lawless down as a cricket fan, but there you go.

36th over: SA 119-8
Hogg on for his last over, and Angry seems to have crashed off the other side of his adrenaline rush - he prods feebly at the turners and fails to get the ball off the square. Hogg finishes with 1-24 off his ten overs, another remarkable performance from a man who was the definition of unremarkable until this tournament.

35th over: SA 119-8
Kemp finally decides to get involved himself, and flick-cuts Watson away for four before edging a single. Andre trots down, snorts like a staliion and thumps a short one behind square for four. His eyes blaze like a man who’s just swallowed four consecutive cans of Red Bull Extra.

34th over: SA 109-8
Angry, a man of at least two moods - angry and fuming - tries a new tactic against Hogg: the stern-faced dead bat. It’s clearly killing him to do it, but he at least survives. “Bowling Bradley,” chirps Gillie.

33rd over: SA 108-8
Kemp obviously enjoyed watching that - he takes another single early in McGrath’s over and then sits back at the non-striker’s as Nel flails with impotent fury at a succession of absolute pearlers. Angry looks one edgy sledge away from eating his own helmet grille.

32nd over: SA 107-8
Single to Kemp from the devilish Hogg, which brings Angry back on strike. Like a dog being tormented by a persistant fly, he swats repeatly at Hogg’s cunning turners and can’t get close to them. Infuriated doesn’t get close to it.

31st over: SA 106-8
McGrath back on, and Andre’s eyes are out on stalks. He’s nursing a fractured little finger, but he probably did that himself with a hammer to get himself pumped up. He mows wildly, spoons over midwicket and takes two.

Vote chat from earlier: 8,367 of you punted on who is SA’s player of the tournament - 45% went for Jacques Kallis, 27% for Andrew Hall, 20% for Graeme Smith and 8% for Charl Langeveldt.

30th over: WICKET - Pollock c and b Hogg 5, SA 103-8

Hogg’s the happiest man on the planet - Pollock thinks abot a big drive, checks himself at the last minute and spoons straight back to the bowler. Still - here comes Andre Nel…

29th over: 99-7
Tait slides onto Kemp’s pads and is flipped away for four. Tait spews out a few verbals, as well he might. Another leg-side wide from Taiters, and South Africa are one away from the ton. A group ton. Oh, the shame of it.

From Alex Wilson in Windsor, TMS inbox: “Ben Dirs has never published me this World Cup, so I’ll give big Tommy F a go instead… Question: could this be the lowest ever score posted in a World Cup semi-final?”

Alex - you’ve had a shocker - not only have you failed to note the information imparted during over 15, but you’ve refered to me as “big” - a sizist jibe which has cut me to the quick, wherever that is.

28th over: 94-7
Pollock happy to block out Bracken’s first five balls before missing out on an attempted cut - a maiden, and it’s pretty grim going for Smith’s boys.

27th over: WICKET - Hall c Gilchrist b Tait 3, SA 93-7

Joy for Tait in his first over back - Hall flashes wanly at a wide one with feet glued to the crease and Gillie pouches while simultaneously yelling, “Yeeeeessss!” Ponto’s loving it too - he’s claiming that one as a triumph for his cunning captaincy, and chomps contentedly on his chewie.

26th over: SA 93-6
Hogg twirls away happily, and why not? The sun’s at his back, the batsmen are as cowed as spinsters at a rave and Gilchrist keeps shouting, “Hogg!” at him.

25th over: SA 90-6
Tait to Hall, and he squirts a full one on leg away for a single before Kemp drops pointless anchor. There are still supporters trying to get through the turnstiles, and they’re not South African fans trying to get out of the ground either.

24th over: SA 89-6
Andrew Hall marches in ahead of Pollock, who quite impotence aids has no wish to get involved in this horror. Hogg starts to believe his own publicity as a monster spinner and flips two successive wides past Kemp’s flailin